Daily Jokes of The Day ( November 2024)

When Bill turned 55, his doctor suggested he start walking 10,000 steps a day. “Great for your heart!” the doctor had said. “Keep it up, and you’ll live to a ripe old age.” Bill took the advice to heart, lacing up his walking shoes and hitting the pavement every day, determined to make it to 10,000 steps, and then some.

Now, nearly five years later, Bill’s wife, Sharon, has no idea where in the hell he is.

Sticking to It

Joe loved his wife, but she was quite the talker. Once she got going, there was no stopping her. Every morning, she’d start up before he even had his coffee, telling him every detail of her plans for the day, from what she’d seen on TV the night before to what Mrs. Jenkins said at the grocery store.

One morning, as she was chatting away, she asked him to pass her her lipstick. Joe, barely awake, reached over and handed her what he thought was the lipstick… but he accidentally passed her a glue stick instead. She didn’t notice until it was already on her lips.

That was two days ago, and he hasn’t heard a word from her since.

Joe isn’t sure whether he should feel guilty… or just grateful for the peace and quiet.

Dear Santa

Grandma Joan was sitting with her young grandson, trying to convince him to write his Christmas list for Santa. “Come on, it’s fun!” she said. “Santa loves getting letters from kids. He reads every single one!”

Her grandson looked skeptical. “I’ll do it… but only if you write one too.”

Grandma chuckled and agreed, grabbing a pen. Her pen hovered over the paper for a long while, trying to think of a single thing she wanted. Suddenly, inspiration struck. “Dear Santa, I’ve been a very good girl this year. Can I have a new birthday suit this year? My current one is worn out, wrinkled, and droopy.”

Heads or Tails

As usual, Tom showed up late to the golf course on Sunday. His friends, already on the third hole, shook their heads when they saw him rushing over, golf bag in hand.

“Tom, you’re late again! What took you so long this time?”

Tom sighed, taking a deep breath. “Well, you know how it is on Sundays. I had to decide if I was going to church or coming here to play golf.”

His friends nodded knowingly. “So, what did you do?”

Tom shrugged. “I tossed a coin to let fate decide. Heads for church, tails for golf.”

“Alright, fair enough,” his buddy said. “But why did that take so long?”

Tom shook his head, looking exasperated. “Do you know how many times I had to toss that sucker before it finally gave me the right answer?”

Money Talks

Fred was at his wit’s end. Every weekend, his wife, Nancy, came back from the mall with bags full of clothes, shoes, and things they didn’t even have room for.

One Saturday, as Nancy returned with yet another stack of shopping bags, Fred couldn’t help but groan. “Nancy, don’t you think it’s time to rein it in a little? Every time you go to the mall, it’s like our savings shrink before my eyes!”

Nancy rolled her eyes. “Oh, Fred, don’t be so dramatic. I only got a few necessities.”

Fred pointed to a pair of glittery shoes sticking out       of one of the bags. “And what necessity requires gold sequins?”

Nancy shrugged. “A girl’s gotta look good, Fred. People would talk.”

Fred sighed, shaking his head. “You know, they say that money talks, too, but all mine ever says is ‘Goodbye.’”